


Turning Page

by cheekaspbrak



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, cursing, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 21:01:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20141932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheekaspbrak/pseuds/cheekaspbrak
Summary: Richie knows that he fucks everything up, which is why courting Eddie is like walking on a tight rope.





	Turning Page

**Author's Note:**

> This is inspired by Sleeping At Last's song, Turning Page. Listen to it before, it really adds an extra layer to this.

Richie fucked up a lot of things in his life. He’d lost count of the amount of times he’d ruined a perfectly good day by hurting someone’s feelings or doing something stupid. The group even had a way to shut him up when he was going too far: “Beep, beep, Richie.”

He knew perfectly well that he didn’t know when he was crossing lines. He knew that he steam-rolled over people and pissed them off in unimaginable ways and pushed them away with his crude humor. Which was why, when puberty hit and he started to realize that his platonic love for Eddie had turned into something much different, he became softer. He paid careful attention to his buttons and when he could push them and when he couldn’t. Eddie shared his sharp humor but he was sensitive about some things, and Richie wanted so badly to not fuck this up. If there was anything in this world that could shut him up, it was Eddie Kaspbrak.

It took him a long time to figure out. He always loved picking on Eddie by making jokes about his mom and sure, he was always a little more touchy feely with him than everyone else, but that was just what best friends do. Then It came along, and everything started to fall into place. In the worst moments, the ones where he was absolutely terrified, he felt himself gravitating towards Eddie. His hands, his eyes, his heart moved towards him out of terror, but _only_ him. He would have used his whole body as a shield to protect the small, terrified boy next to him.

Then they went into the house on Neibolt Street. He could vividly remember the way he pushed Bev out of the way just to get to Eddie, who was on the ground, cradling his broken arm with his eyes wide as Pennywise crept towards them. The world felt like it stopped when he heard him scream “No, no no no! I don’t want to fucking die, Rich.” In that moment he was incredibly certain that, yes, they were going to die. Eddie tore his eyes away from the clown when Richie forcefully moved his head to look at him.

“Eddie, look at me! Look at me.”

He held his face in between his hands, probably hurting him as he tried twisting his vision back to It. He wanted Eddie to be looking at someone who cared about him when he died. He kept chanting _look at me_ and cupping his cheeks even as the clown moved backwards, into the darkness. Eddie stopped straining to try and see Pennywise and complied with Richie’s chants.

When the dancing clown was no longer a concern Richie started to think about his behavior during all those terrifying times. He thought especially long and hard about how, in the middle of the horror and screaming going on around him, he cared about nothing but making sure Eddie knew he was there for him.

He did some experimenting, then. He held Bill’s hands and hugged Beverly and pinched Mike’s cheeks to see what it felt like, but nothing felt even close to the butterflies that erupted in his stomach when Eddie so much as sat next to him on the couch. He cuddled up next to Ben and Stan and only felt kind of awkward. The affection he once passed off as platonic was starting to seem more like romantic. Richie had always thought dating was stupid and marriage was a recipe for disaster but feeling the hole in his chest when he wasn’t around Eddie made him think that maybe love sometimes… wasn’t stupid.

That was when he realized that he couldn’t fuck this up the way he fucked up everything else.

The group definitely noticed how he tiptoed around conversations now. He was still a jokester and just as obnoxious as before, but he was careful when it came to certain things. No one could pinpoint why, though, so they just assumed it was him getting older and _finally_ getting a filter.

From Richie’s point of view, it was like playing a game. A game with really high stakes: if he lost, he lost everything he cared about. He’d already pissed Stan off in the past by pushing something too far, and it took him a long time to be okay with Richie again. But Eddie, he was stone cold, and forgiveness didn’t always come easily to him. He hoped that Eddie cared about him enough to where he wouldn’t push him out of his life forever, but he didn’t want to take any chances.

Then, he fucked everything up.

It was a normal night and everyone was hanging out in the pitch black park. Ben wanted to stargaze and while most of the group had turned their noses up at that, Bev called them all assholes because Ben did things with them that he didn’t particularly enjoy. So, there they were, lying on their backs side by side, stargazing. Richie was in between Eddie and Bev, trying to get them to see the way the stars lined up to look like a really weird dick.

Eddie had been distant all day, like he sometimes was. Richie never knew why, but when Eddie was like this he usually liked Richie’s jokes because they helped him get out of his head. Richie reached for his hand. Eddie didn’t look away from the stars, but hesitated for a moment before slipping his hand into Richie’s. He stared at him for a long time, admiring the way his profile looked and how good that shade of blue looked on him and how dorky he was with his dumb fanny pack on. He shifted and Richie looked away.

“That looks like your mom over there.” He used his other hand to point at a collection of stars.

“There’s no fucking way it looks like my mom.” Eddie rolled his eyes, refusing to look in the direction he was pointing.

“No seriously, I’ve studied Mrs. K’s body enough times to know what it looks like.”

“Gross, Rich.”

Eddie narrowed his eyes and pulled his hand away from Richie’s. Bill laughed at his incessant babbling.

He sensed that Eddie was more annoyed than amused, so he zipped his lips and turned his head to poke fun at his auburn haired friend instead. She giggled at his joke, but Eddie rolled his eyes again with a huff.

“You’re such a pain in the ass.”

“I bet you like it that way.” Richie responded, without missing a beat, and immediately regretted it. What was once mild annoyance turned into pure anger. Eddie sat up and looked down at Richie with disgust.

“Fuck you,” He spat. “You’re such a fucking asshole. Why can’t you just shut up?”

With that, he stood up and stalked off in the direction of a bench near the playground. Everyone sat up to look at him, but Richie turned towards Bev. She could see the desperation in his eyes. She knew that while Eddie was quite the badass, the things people said behind his back- particularly what they said about his sexual orientation- got to him. He hadn’t even come out as gay, and people still treated him like that. Today had been particularly awful when they were getting ready to leave school, with Bowers and his friends relentlessly picking on him, but Richie didn’t know that. She covered his hand with hers.

“It’s okay, go talk to him.”

Richie took off after him, nervously raking his hand through his hair. He approached the small boy sitting criss cross applesauce on the bench. He felt his heart thud at how cute he looked sitting that way.

“Eds, I’m sorry I-“

“Beep_ fucking_ beep, Richie.”

“Please,” He said with his voice barely above a whisper. “Just let me talk for a second.”

“That’s the problem!” Eddie exploded, hands flailing about wildly. “You can’t ever shut up! You just talk and talk and talk…”

Eddie continued on his rant but Richie barely could register anything else he was saying. He just shut down because all his brain could think was_ I fucked up oh god I fucked up he hates me he hates me._

“Eds,” he tried again, but Eddie interrupted.

“Don’t call me that.” He enunciated the last syllable and Richie felt like he was going to cry. He opened his mouth but all the words were stuck deep in his throat. Eddie briefly looked guilty before returning back to angry. Richie took a second to breathe and calm himself down because he _needed_ to fix this.

“I’m _so_ fucking sorry,” he started and surprisingly, there was no interruption. “I’m so stupid and I know that I ruin everything with my big mouth. But… but I love you so much Eds- I mean, Eddie. And I am trying so hard not to fuck this up.”

Eddie stared at him for a really long time. The only thing moving was his dark eyes, blinking steadily, until he uncrossed his legs and set his feet on the ground.

“You’re trying to not fuck _what_ up?” He implored

“_This_.” Richie told him pointedly. He was taking a huge leap and _god_ he hoped he wouldn’t fall on his face. “You’re so perfect and I’m such a goddamn mess but I’ll be damned if I don’t spend every second of the rest of my life trying to become the man who might just barely be good enough to deserve someone like you.”

This time Eddie stood up. His chest was rising and falling like he just ran a marathon and his hands were shaking and Richie briefly thought that maybe he should get his inhaler. Before he could do anything, though, Eddie was pulling on the collar of his shirt and kissing him like it was the only chance he would ever get. Richie was in absolutely shock, his stomach doing flips at how cute he looked with his eyes squeezed shut like that. And he totally knew it was weird to kiss with your eyes open but how could he take his eyes off of a sight like that? He stumbled forward a little when Eddie pulled back, not wanting the kiss to end.

“I’m sorry for yelling,” He said meekly, pausing for a moment, then adding, “Also please don’t stop calling me Eds.”

Richie knew that the adoration in his eyes must have been ridiculous, and probably only made worse by the magnification of his glasses, but he honestly didn’t care. Eddie spaghetti just fucking _kissed_ him.

“I love you I love you Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou,” Richie said as he wrapped his arms around him and shoved his face in the small boys hair. Eddie laughed and pressed his face against his chest.

“I love you too. You have _always _been good enough.” Richie choked on air at that but stayed perfectly still, not wanting Eddie to see the embarrassing tears of joy in his eyes.

The losers watched the two figures from across the park, cheering amongst each other and rolling their eyes at Bill who claimed he knew all along. No one said a thing when they came back and Eddie laid his head on Richie’s shoulder. They just enjoyed the stars.


End file.
